According to psychologists, once we reach adolescence, we begin to ask ourselves, ?Who am I??

This question plays a powerful role in shaping our self-esteem, social confidence, and mental well-being. As someone who was fortunate to navigate adolescence smoothly (thankfully!), I don?t clearly remember how that process unfolded for me back then. But I do remember how it re-emerged - stronger and sharper - when I relocated to the United Kingdom. That familiar question surfaced again, and this time, it lingered: Who am I?

While some aspects of my identity - such as age, gender, and religion - remained in the background, others gained more traction after relocating, namely nationality and work. The conversation starter of ?Where are you from?? was usually followed by ?What brings you here?? and ?Do you have plans to stay?? My analytical mind further reflected on these questions during my ?me-time.? In the beginning, my reflections mostly consisted of more questions: Do I call myself an expat? Or am I an immigrant? Should I just say I?m an international? I'm sure I?m a foreigner. Maybe outsider is a better word? Or am I not? Does it even matter?

With the feelings of alienation and isolation that come with relocating, these questions didn?t help - or so I thought initially. Like psychologists often say, ?Trust the process.? I wish I had done that more intentionally, because after the questions came some real answers (eventually).

One question that particularly helped me was ?Does it even matter??.

This marked the beginning of reflecting on who I am beneath the identity of being a foreigner - beneath surface-level identity categories like nationality and ethnicity. On this journey, my professional identity became the first anchor. And while that was greatly helpful, I was sure there was more to ?Who am I?? than being a counselling and business psychologist (yes, that?s me).

I started exploring and reflecting more deeply on who I am as a person - what are my values, what makes me happy, what are my hobbies? It may come as a surprise, but even at 26, I didn?t have clear answers to these questions. Not because I hadn?t thought about them before, but because I didn?t have to think about them. Life had been running smoothly in my home country, with personal and social systems that I had built - or had become a part of - over the years. Relocating meant losing all those systems and, therefore, needing to rebuild them to ensure personal and social stability. And I did, slowly and steadily.

I started engaging in different social activities - trying new fitness classes, attending cultural events, meeting new people, and engaging in conversations with individuals from diverse backgrounds. Not to say that I was entirely comfortable indulging in the unknown, but stretching myself within non-distressful limits made it manageable. Again, not to say that all experiences were pleasant - but who said unpleasant experiences aren?t valuable? Either way, I got answers to my questions, and with each answer, I was able to deepen my sense of identity just a bit more.

Gradually, I realised that in this pursuit to answer ?Who am I??, I met people in different settings with whom I connected through shared interests and values. The identity of being a ?foreigner? or ?outsider? took a back seat, as conversations centred more on the activities that brought us together. For example, I introduced myself as a yoga enthusiast in my yoga class, and as an avid reader to a library friend. Discussions around ?Where are you from??, ?What do you do?? and ?Do you want to stay in the UK?? started coming much later - after we had already bonded over common ground.

This change made me feel that my relationships with others were becoming less dependent on my job title or whether we were from similar parts of the world, and more on shared passions. In this way, I was able to move past the identity confusion of whether I was an expat, immigrant, international, foreigner, or outsider. Instead, I could fully immerse myself in different experiences to develop my personal identity - an identity that, in turn, boosted my self-esteem, enhanced my ability to socially navigate, and improved my mental health.

To anyone and everyone who is planning to relocate - or already has - moving abroad can bring in confusion at many levels, especially around identity. From grappling with the identity of being a foreigner to certain features of your identity becoming more salient, you may find yourself asking, ?Who am I?? more than before. But remember, as Albert Einstein said, ?The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.?

And while you go through this process of identity reformation, know that you are not alone (that?s me, the psychologist, speaking).